RETIREDThe Mangled Ketchum Family Tree
by The Long Name Ending In Cookie
Summary: This starts off humor anywayz. Very strange, even for me. Basically, Ash, Brock, Pikachu, Misty, Togepi, Tracy, Jessie, James and Meowth discover their related, and what happened on Valencia Island.


DISCLAIMER: I own Pokémon, as well as a Christmas Tree Angel made of macaroni bigger than the world, and there's a comet that circles my house called the Vomit Comet, and Tracy isn't a loser, and I can fly!  
  
HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I ate too much sugar. In this fic, the Poké-crew finds out they're all distantly related, and lotsa stupid things happen. We find out what happened on Valencia Island, and oh yeah, this is a sorta *scary music* insane/drama fic. *scary movie scream* Have fun, everyone!  
  
  
One sunny day, Ash, Brock, Misty, Pikachu and Togepi are walking through a huge paddock, not realising Tracy is following them. It was very sunny, in fact it was so sunny that by some twist of fate Tracy's shorts caught fire.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" he yelled, running around and trailing smoke. Everyone but Ash noticed him then.  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Brock.  
"Why are you laughing? You can't hate him, you only met him once!" said Misty.  
"He replaced me!"  
"So?"  
"So if you get replaced, you have to hate whoever replaced you!"  
"Says who?"  
"It's an unwritten law!"  
"No it's not!"  
"How would you know?" Tears came to Brock's eyes. "You don't know what it's like to be replaced. It's never happened to you."  
"What happens to characters who get replaced?" asked Misty concernedly.  
Brock fell onto the ground and turned blue. "I don't wanna talk about it..."  
"You're only supposed to say that when we ask what happened on Valencia Island!" Misty yelled.  
"That's where I was!"  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" yelled Tracy again, wanting all the attention for himself.  
"Hey, we nearly forgot, Tracy's on fire!"  
"Huh?" asked Ash, finally noticing that Tracy was on fire.  
"HELP ME!!!!! I'M ON FIRE!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" he yelled again, as if he didn't have anything better to say.  
"Go, Squirtle!" yelled Ash.   
"Squirtle!" said Squirtle.  
"I have this feeling I'm forgetting something... oh well. Squirtle, put Tracy out with your Water Gun!"  
"Squirtle, squirt squirt squirtle!" (But Ash, you all hate Tracy, remember?)  
"I knew I'd forgotten something. Hey, why do we hate Tracy?" asked Ash with his typical density.  
*CRASH* Everyone but Ash fell over.  
"Pi pikachu pi pika pi chu!" (We all hate Tracy because he replaced Brock!)  
"He replaced Brock?"  
*CRASH*  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!" yelled Tracy yet again.  
"Hasn't he burned to death yet?" asked Brock impatiently.  
Suddenly, Tracy tripped over a rock. He landed on his head, cracking the ground, and bounced right into a conveniently placed pond, unfortunately.  
"Togi togi prrrri!" squeaked Togepi happily, and walked over to the huge crack in the ground.  
"Pipipi!" (Togepi!) cried Pikachu, diving to grab Togepi before she walked right into the giant crack. But as usual, Togepi turned around and wandered off in another direction, and Pikachu fell into the crack instead. "Piikaaa!"  
"Pikachu!" yelled Ash.   
*thump* "Pi?"   
Ash looked into the hole. Pikachu had landed on a chest (which looked just like the one that the Jumanji game was in) which was wedged a little way down. Pikachu climbed out, and Ash reached in and grabbed the mysterious chest.  
As he dragged it into the daylight, Brock shrank back in horror. "Ash... don't open that!"  
"Huh?" said Ash. Above them, black clouds appeared suddenly, blocking out the sunlight. Lightning flashed. It started to rain. It was all very ominous.  
Nervously, Ash opened the lid. Even Tracy came over to see what was in there.  
"It's... a piece of paper!" said Ash.  
"What's it say?" asked Misty.  
"No Ash, don't!" cried Brock, trying to grab the paper. But Ash jerked out of the way, and read the title.  
"The Ketchum Family Tree," Lightning flashed again. *scary music* "What's so bad about my family tree, Brock?"  
"Please, Ash, don't read it. It'll ruin your life!"  
But Ash read it out, despite Brock's warnings.  
"Truths that no-one should ever know," Ash looked at the complicated illustration. "Hey, that's me!" he cried. "And, that's my mum... I'll finally know who my father is!" Ash traced the line, and read the writing in horror. "No... it can't be!" He dropped the paper.  
"What is it, Ash?" said Tracy dumbly (the way he always speaks). Then he finally realised. "Oh no..." he whispered to himself.  
"Pi?..." Pikachu caught it, and read what had shocked Ash so much. "PIKACHU!" He too dropped the paper and recoiled in horror. Brock turned away, his face in his hands.  
Misty's face was chalk white. She picked up the paper and read it aloud. "Ash's dad is... TRACY?!?!?!"  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled.  
"PRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!" Togepi started crying. More lightning flashed. The rain pelted them as Ash got up the courage to pick up the paper and read the rest.  
"Tracy's sister is... Professor Ivy!" he read in a shaking voice, not noticing that Brock had turned blue. "Misty is... my long-lost sister,"  
"What?!"  
"Pikachu is... my long lost-brother!"  
"Pi?"  
"Togepi is... Meowth's long-lost sister!"   
"PRIIIIIIII!"  
"Meowth is... Jessie's father!"  
"Wha-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" Jessie and Meowth fell out of the balloon, which had been hovering two feet above everyone's head for the entire day.  
"Jessie is... James's stepmother!"  
"AAAAH!" James fell on top of them.  
"James is... my cousin!"  
"AAAAAAH!" James screamed again.  
"And Brock is... James's long-lost brother!"  
They all looked at each other. "WE'RE ALL RELATED!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"   
"Even woise!" said Meowth. "We're all related to TRACY!!!"  
"What's so bad about that?" asked Tracy dumbly.  
"WE HATE YOU!!!!!" screamed Jessie.  
"My life is ruined!" moaned Ash. "How can I live knowing that Tracy is my dad?"  
"I told you," said Brock miserably.  
"Wait, there's another piece of paper in the box!" said Misty, wiping a raindrop off her face. She reached in and took it. Brock looked up.   
Misty smoothed it out on her knee and read it. "I found this family tree in Professor Ivy's lab." Brock turned blue at the mention of the name, but Misty ignored him and kept reading. "I read it, and I didn't believe it at first.  
"Then suddenly, Professor Ivy burst into the room," Brock went bluer. "She grinned evilly. 'I see you've discovered my secret,' she said. 'But no-one else will.'  
"She came towards me, and it was then I noticed she had a knife. She was going to kill me! I leapt out of the way, just as she threw the knife. It just missed me, and sailed through a window. Without hesitating I jumped out after it and ran, taking the family tree with me.   
"But I was on an island. I couldn't escape. And Professor Ivy was still after me. She had another knife. I kept running and running, until I finally reached the edge of a cliff. I was stuck. In front of me was the ocean. Behind me was Professor Ivy with a knife. I hesitated, then leapt off the cliff and into the rough water below.  
"She couldn't reach me there. I was safe. And I still had the family tree. I had it in the waterproof box that I'd found it in. But now where could I go? I couldn't swim forever. I was already exhausted.  
"Suddenly, something hit me in the head. It was an old plank. I had no other choice. I grabbed it, and climbed on. It was just able to hold me without sinking. So, using it as a raft, I made my way back to Indigo Island.  
"It took me two weeks. I finally reached Indigo Island, but I was so weak with hunger and exhaustion that I didn't manage to walk far. I collapsed. But somehow, I managed to drag myself further inland, until I was half dead. My only priority was to get the family tree hidden where nobody could ever find it. But eventually, I could go no further.   
"I couldn't believe my luck when Mrs Ketchum found me. I soon recovered, but as soon as I did I decided to get rid of the family tree. I sealed it in this chest, with my recount of what happened, and then threw it in a wild Dugtrio's hole. I thought that it would be well hidden, because I knew Dugtrio tunnel very deep, where no human could ever hope to find anything.  
"But although I tried to forget it, the event has scarred me emotionally. If anyone ever mentions Valencia Island or Professor Ivy to me, the awful memories come back. I hope that my old friends never discover what happened to me, or especially not the family tree. I hope they never discover what I know. It is too painful.  
"~Brock Stone"  
Misty looked up. Everyone looked at Brock. He had finally recovered from his blueness. They all looked at each other. Nobody knew what to say. Finally, they all broke the deadly silence.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!"  
  
Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, Togepi, Jessie, James, and Meowth all killed themselves. They went to heaven. But then everyone in the entire world died and went to heaven, except for Tracy and Professor Ivy. Which was good because the world turned into hell.  
  
  
THE END  
  
Uhhh... oh man I am freakin' myself out. Note to self: NEVER EVER EVER EVER eat four bowls of gnocci for dinner and then attempt to write. This was way too disturbing. Review please, tell me I'm insane. It'll make us all feel better. I'm off to read 'Brock Catches A Pink Scyther!' a few thousand times. That'll make me go back to my normal self. 


End file.
